Films This Month

Smiley 2 February 2018

13th Feb – Black Panther

A sprinkling of multiculturalism in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, as the first ethnically diverse superhero (apart from black Iron Man) gets his own movie. Ryan Coogler (Creed) directs; Chadwick Boseman stars as our noble, noir (k)night trying to defend the mysterious African nation of Wakanda; and Andy Serkis reminds people of what he actually looks like, as he plays Ulysses Klau, the unusually non-cgi-faced villain.

23rd Feb – I Tonya

Comedy/biopic starring Margot Robbie as the former figure skater who put the ‘dis’ on ‘graceful’ when, in the early 90s, her then-ex-husband (the Winter Soldier guy) attacked her rival Nancy Kerrigan, attempting to break her legs backstage at a skating event in an effort to boost his ex’s chances of making the Olympic team. White trash can jump.

1st March – Red Sparrow

Red Heat – Russian cop; Red October – Russian submarine; Red Scorpion – Russian special forces agent; Red Dwarf… Ok, so it’s not a hard and fast rule, but it works again this March, as former Mockingjay Jennifer Lawrence becomes a Sparrow (which is code for a female Russian secret agent) and tries to seduce CIA capitalist pig-dog Joel Edgerton. It’s not all about sleeping with the enemy, however, and this Sparrow also kicks some serious buttski for Mother Russia.

30th March – Ready Player One

Steven Spielberg directs… hey, have I ever told you about the time that Jay and I met Steven Spielberg? It was awesome. I wore a suit, and we went to watch the BFG in a private cinema, then went to Claridges for coffee and biscuits and to talk about the film. Mark Rylance was there as well. It was so posh that they even have these little machines in the gents that clean the piss off your shoes if you splash whilst having a tinkle. Fucking amazing.